doubtfulace

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:20:27 GMT

Had my 2nd best leather jacket and my mobile stolen tonight. BUGGGGGERRRR !!!!! ggggrrrreeeerrrr!

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:16:28 GMT

FUCK I could of been doing something productive tonight!

Exo.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:00:26 GMT

Am having a serious crack @ exercise, put the work in, in a burst, to (finally) get the shape I want.

I've just done a triple, 3 sets of 3 exercises in quick succession, 12 minutes infact! When I first started it took me nearer 30. I really do feel I've just cracked this tough one, most excellent indeed. But ofcourse my ambition is to double the number of reps. HeHE!

I'll get there, what I've just done in quick style was once a horror :-}

Ps "only" running 5 tomorrow.

:-[

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:30:51 GMT

BUPA London 10k is £25. It's a nice route round touristy Ldn (Green Pk, Parliament Sq.Embankment, round The City, Mall) and I could enter, as in get in, this big race but.... £25! A bleedin stroke,steeple steep! I could buy a watch for that, I could get up at sparrow chat an' have a run round by meself, nice bop round not a big race 'thou. Huuuummmmm if I was workin maybe, but no got to be sensible really :-[

Orion 15

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:24:10 GMT

Orion 15 is the name of NASA latest luna manned mission.

Orion Harriers is a running club bassed in Chingford E4 London, founded 1911. Their "thing" is to run round Epping Forrest, which I recon is pritty dam cool. Their big race is a 15 miler through the forrest, up hill and down dell, muddy hill and muddy dell famously, hence the Orion 15. It's 20 March '10, which fits in with well with Brighton, it's said a smaller race a little while before the big one is a good tune up.

Sounds like fun, the clubs site looks good too. There isn't an actual entry fee, you make a donation. Incidentally the Silverston Half Marathon is £25 ! Lots of stuff makes me think their serious runners who don't take them self too seriously, a good combination.I think I'd like these people, I should enter!

FUCK/or not

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 10:58:20 GMT

I've just been rejected. I think what's happened is the've taken a look at me pictures an decided, NO. Am trying to talk them round but with little hope of success. All the usual thoughts n feelings. Fuckshitbolloxasshole.

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:23:05 GMT

Spendin time with some of my frends earlier. Mentioned about the goings on over on I.C. (had a Tickle but they haven't been on line in last couple of days an it's doin me 'ead in!) I find it helps to get this sorta stuff off my chest, to tel the truth. As my friends are 'nilla, I said "dating site" instead of I.C
Well 2 of them asked me which one it is! Eeeep!Genuine interest! Bugger! I had to lie, it seams like the only thing I could do without havin to answer a whole stream of awkward questions. An 'cos a lot of them are single, I think they might be joining. I don't like doin stuff like this. Hope it dosen't back fire on me.

On (re) Joining the Circus

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:53:05 GMT

I've re-joined the circus. An oh yep I've gone slightly ??? mad. The thing is, having sent out the odd mem, one rather fine an whitty number to a rather lovley little something who actually replied an she replied with intent an she's got form. Might be one of those people who are on I.C. 'cos they like weird kinky stuff, which is always a good start. Ok so far so good an yeah so true in so many ways but ofcourse it's doing my 'ead in, not replyin to sent mems INSTANTLY! or viewing the pics I took especally, lots of, who AM I kidding: obsessive creative artistic input, an just for a few fuzzy images! And having to figure out all on me tod how to transmit this stuff across interweb. I wait, I wait for a reply, not knowing not being in control, hoping and being desperate, hoping it comes off but lackin of faith, oh how I wish I had more faith in me. Oh how I wish I see that splendid flashing mem when I look again and it's positive and it leads on to..etc etc an on an on an round an bloody round !

Bet I KEEP going 'thou.

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:07:58 GMT

I have rejoined I.C. Went back there for first time a couple of days ago. I've been away for a little over six months, it's suprising how little it has changed, same weboards, same questions, same tensions. I know this sounds down beat, and yes it prob. is, due to the fact I've been a little down the last couple of days. Also,as well as, I've not really had much success with meetin and doin on internet, so I don't hold out much hope that things will be much/any better this time round, 'thou I do kinda express my views privatly here and will be doin my best to not let my lack of enthuasium show, fakin it to make it ;-} you could say.

I do want it to work honest! Maybe, maybe I do just need a break, a touch, a slice of luck even, a bit o spice! well we'll see. So dear reader if your over there an you like to friend/network me, PleasureSwitch please do, every little helps.

Just in case......

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 15:09:00 GMT

Last weekend I progressed triumphantly round Berlin, competin in an completin their 36 anual Marathon.

Evers,evers, so delighted that I did IT !!!

Irked

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 20:35:23 GMT

IRKED, irked I am. City Airport is runnin an ad. campaign stating how it's so much quicker to travel to them than go to Heathrow. This I know, this I already bleedin know! This is in fact why when I booked my Berlin trip I booked to travel from there, pay a bit more for a much nicer experence. Or so I thought! Lufthansa then decided to stop flyin from City so I had to get over to overcrowded far away stressed Heathrow !

With 5 days to go I really don't appreciate City Airport remindin me of this, I know I know I know. Alright!

Feelin Better Now

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:45:51 GMT

Have been thinkin 'bout yesterday.

There are a few points I have to take into consideration.

1)It was hot, take ya shirt off hot. A bit too hot for me. It shouldn't be that hot in Berlin in 3 weeks time.

2)Hydration, I was rationing my water from about 15 miles out. I did feel dehydration was an issue.I need lubrication. It won't be in Berlin. There will be plenty of water stalls.

3) I was a bit too wound up by "big run" idea, this takes energy. I need to run happy.

4) I did wonnder around the city, 4 mile, this could of had an effect on me. I won't be doin this on race day.

5) Kendal Mint cake, take some an eat it for energy.

6)My legs musles do feel like they are stronger (?)

7)I still have a couple of weeks to tweek, run shorter distances more often ( ?? )

8) An easier course ? The canal can be a bit probamatical, in places.

9) Cheerin crowds of people to help me along.Walkin is ok.

10)It's the Berlin Marathon. DEATH OR FUCKIN GLORY !!!!!!

I can do this.

Thanx, good people for your support. :-)

No Ambulance Required.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 20:14:58 GMT

I've just got back from my big "run", the distance culmination of my training for the Berlin Marathon.

Well just about the only positive I can take from it is title. I couldn't do it, I couldn't run 23 an a bit miles. I had to stop @ about 22 miles, really stop literaly no mas, I felt faint had to sit down not sure how I was even goin to get home, the massive 3quartes of a mile was a mountain. Well ok I got fizzy energy drinks in me, made it back under my own power.

I'm worried now. Trainin has been goin well I've not had any probs. with injuries,which IS good. But, but , but the race is 3 weeks today an I just can see how I can do a marathon, how I can poss. get round. I need to rest so I can train. But the only way I can get past this point is to train. BUGGER,BUUGGERRYBOLLOX ASSSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do?

If anybody out their would like to give this tired dirty failed plodder some sympathy ,please do. :-(

Eventful Day

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:36:24 GMT

Couple of big tings have happened today.

When to see the psychologist, was refered to her following my latest bout of depression. With the idea of gettin a short course of C.B.T. Well we never really have got started with this, we discussed this today and decided I could be better off with some more "classical" long term Freudian analysis ( if this can be got to happen ). If come off I'll be very pleased, therapy on the N.H.S. is, if it happens, a good thing.

Also I've just parted company with the Cab firm I've just "started" with. They had a couple of issues with me and I had a couple of issues with them. So no bad ting..really. I showed up, did what I said I would, kept my side of the bargan and was emotionally "available". This is good stuff, this is progress. I think. I'm happy with this.

A couple of good side effects of this are: instead of having to deal with drunken customers working the night shift (the worst shit) on Fri. I get to go to Hop Garden and say "5 years ago it started here" This IS good :-}. On Mon. I also get to have a crack at runnin 23 miles ( which is the biggee.... BEFORE the big German one, I've been planning this as a kinda celebration of the 5 for sometime now.) which I hope is good. Wish me luck if ya like.

Cheap Soup

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:47:07 GMT

When Andy Warhol did book signings fans would show up with cans of Campbells soup, that he would sign.They do exist. I've just seen one sell on American Ebay for just over $100, 'bout £65. Bloody bargain! A 3d work signed by Warhol for £65!!!A Campbells soup can,HeHe! I want 1 !

Cabland #1

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:03:03 GMT

As arraigned at the interview, the fun n games kick off 10 am Mon. morning. As it draws closer I'm a little trepadatious 'bout this. Pam called me just now to let me know she's been doin nothing except sort out the celin of the office that had been put through by the builders up stairs an' sleepin,....,oh and that she'd be callin me later because she didn't have time to talk to me at the moment although she had just called me.

Oh cabland how I love ya!

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:25:56 GMT

Ebay has just gone mad with Triumph 500'S ( I like Triumph 500, a lot!) there must be a dozen of them, a DOZEN ! Not just the really nice Daytons but even 2 ally sprung-hubs T100's from the '50, oh so desirable, I desire, I DESIRE!

Honestly scratchin my head as to why they are so many all at once, even a '76 Daytona, a highly believable '76 ! I know there was that very pretty cherry/red '71 that sold for £3.6k but all the same. Just one of those things, I spose.

TWENTTTTTIEEEEEE Miles. Big Smiles.

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:21:05 GMT

Did 20.24 miles today, Hah ! n Yay! Well pleased. One continous go no stoppin all running all the way. V,v knackered by the end of it and rather sore now.26 dose feel like a long way off but,but, but I can do 20 so onward an upward Ponders End (Plodders End ?) is defnitly in sight, hope I get to have a crack at it(work..?...permitting) before the big day.

A little coy.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:21:22 GMT

I did enjoy my first ***** social tonight,met good people. Wonderin if I might ever meet 1 of them ever again, who knows, so lets say....I hope so.

In to the Ground

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 16:45:40 GMT

The plan was to run 20 miles*, from my flat to behond the North Circular via Lee Navigation, keepin up a "decent" pace. Well I got 18 miles, in 3hr 20 mins, not a bad time, but then I had to stop runnin an start walkin 'cos I'd run myself into the ground. I could do no more, not one more stride, that was it, my limit is here. This is what I can do.I wonder if this was the infmous wall?

I honestly don't feel too bad about this, I'm not beatin meself up about "failing". I have found a limit, a curent limit this is ok. I can run 18 miles which is 2/3 Marathon distance, not bad for the end of July. I did get round under my own steam, even jogged the last half-ish mile home, bod was screamin!

This is, I am ok / could do with a stroke or two thou.

*ACTUALLY: originally 19 but thought sod it, lets go for it, a few miles in.

Monsterous Proportion

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:43:57 GMT

I've been planning a run last couple of three days. A long un, 15+. Putting bits of waterway togther into a new course. Bits of waterways already well travelled but all the same a new long way round. Thing is it seams to be becoming a bit of o monster, I'm thinkin and fearin it a bit too much at the min. In my minds eye it has got a bit too big.

After I've digested me dinner must get on with it,stop fanny-in, stop frettin and like it says in the ad. "Just Do It."

In other news, I've discovered it's 20 miles from Watford to Brentford via Grand Union Canal. The canal is a short walk from Waterford underground station.

E.T.A. Ticked that box. :-)) Quick-ish too. :-))

Kept meeting people I knew also good.

****************************************************************************
* NEW RECORD DISTANCE : 15.58 MILES V.V.PLEASED*
****************************************************************************

could of done more :-)))))))))))))))

Walked a Good Distance,

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:23:09 GMT

with a good friend today.

Garmin worked, an showed 18.74 miles from Camley St. to Norwood Green ( the bit just before we rejoined the canal)

It's the PILLS..... again.....Phew

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 22:01:41 GMT

Just back from a run, and yes dear reader the pills I've just stopeed takin' have hampered my running. Where I was having to sit down after 4 1/2 miles I managed to do the "Super Delux Canal", as far as I can run up and down Regents Canal and all round Lime House Basin, over 11 miles infact. THIS IS GOOD. I guess the moral of this story is KEEP OFF THE PILLS. Even the properly prescribed by the doctor ones.

Funny thing about tiredness or the quantative nature of it. I'm knackered right now and I did push myself it hurts now and it hurt then,11 miles is a long way it ain't chasing after a bus. But I this pain/hurt is very livable with, I came home travlin as fast as I could in good shape knowin that I could keep going, if I HAD to do another couple of miles to get to half marathon distance I bet I could of.Yet the other day I was dead standin up after a couple of miles and I HAD to sit down, to stop, to recover, to feel better, to stop hurtin.Just amazin how something like tiredness can come in such diffrent forms with such diffrent practical effects on me and my performance.

Finally just glad to be back. I'm feelin a bit funny right now. But I'm so pleased to be able to do this, to have been able to achive tonight. Exercise and all the bits around it has such a positive effect on my life. GOOD :-))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I've had enough

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 10:12:32 GMT

Went for a run toady, running hasn't been good just lately had a bit of illness/injury so I've been strugglin to do the sorts of things that I could do with ease a couple of months ago. But anyway keeep goin, hang on in there, one foot in front of the other ect. Which is kinda a metaphore for my life. As is the fact a bloke ran into me, he simply wasn't looking where he was going, staring at a wall at 90 degrees to him infact, I had moved over as far as I reasonably easly could but we where on a tow path so I had limited room for menouver.But to no alvail straght into me.

Well this sums my life up. OK it taken insolation isn't such a bad thing, true. But stufflike this keeps happening to me. In less that perfect conditions I plod on hoping through my actions to make thing better but inverabliy I'm attacked/harrssed/abused wether delibertly or actdentily it still hurts.

Honestly it's almost five year since I embarked on this journey and I have to say it ain't no rip roaring success. The day I started this I would of settled for a good nights sleep and to be rid of these worthless I want to die feeling. Well five years on I'm not sleeping well, am depressed,single, lonley, skint,my ambition is no longer to have good things happen in my life, it's been a while since good stuff has happened, it simply dosen't. My ambition is to have an absence of bad in my day. If I can get through today and nothing bad has happened to me, I haven't been physically assulted then I've had a good day. This is the measure I use. This is how good my life is. What ever I do it never seams to be right or to work out. I try and I try and it comes up short.

Honestly I've had enough I don't know how much more of this I can take, my life shouldn't be like this. Maybe it is end game, find a nice tall building and end it all.

That was quick!!!!!!

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:31:45 GMT

Went down the health centre after a referal from the the Doc. regarding some C.C.B.T.

I told the truth, talked about how it was, I may have applied a little polish to the truth but fundementally I told the truth.

I must of scared the lady seeing me 'cos insted of offering me C.C.B.T. she wanted offer me one to one sessions with a therapist, if her manager agreeed if the thearapist was avalalble ect etc.Well the thearpist phone me 'bout five mins after I'd got back home which was less than 20 mins after todays vist had finished, to offer me an apointment for further treatment. GAWD!! They must think I'm at risk. Maybe I am ? I'm certainly not happy.I don't want to be like this.

And I'm certainly glad that I'm getting seen, good to know people are concerned.